What happened to part 1? Decided to not post it yet. But this one is dedicated to 21 Jump Street.
21 Jump Street
Hanson’s latest partner (to Hanson): With these things, you just have to take it as it is. If life throws me a lemon, I’ll just make a martini.
America, What A Town
Doug: They’re running?
Hanson *nodding*: They’re running!
Gotta Finish the Riff
Captain Fuller (to Hanson): I don’t think he’s going for Penhall in a wig.
Captain Fuller (to the others): Hey, how about letting them take those guys downtown and the rest of us go out for pizza?
Doug: You got to take it step-by-step, you know what I mean?
Hanson: The way you’re taking it, by the time midterm comes around, we’ll be busting the president of Columbia.
Doug: The school or the country?
Doug: There was once a cop here who wears that and one day he just disappeared…
Hanson: Maybe I should take it to dry-cleaning and put it back in the locker. Maybe he’ll come back one day.
Hanson (to Harry): How can you cash the check if you’re dead?
After School Special
Judy: What’s wrong?
Hanson: I have a lunch date with my mom and Bob.
Doug: Bob’s Ms. Hanson’s boyfriend.
Hanson: Bob sell cars.
Ioki: Really? Maybe he could get me a good deal.
Hanson: I’ll set him up with your mom.
Doug (to Hanson): Bowling? You two have something in common already. Imagine two men competing for the world’s most boring sport.
Judy: What about you? Do you think you can be a father? You think you can handle it?
Doug: Just give me a frying pan and a stick of butter.
Harry: By the way, how’s Doug doing?
Hanson: The boy’s a natural soldier.
Hanson: How about a kiss first?
Doug: Hey, pucker up.
Doug (to Hanson): Next time, how about a little warning first?
You Ought to Be in Prison
Capt. Fuller: He has been receiving threatening letters.
Doug: Good, when do I get to send mine?
Doug: I could go drink cocktails with him or I could go do my laundry.
Hanson: How many quarters do you have?
Doug: I was great!
*Hanson waves his hand in a so-so motion*
Doug: There were applause!
Hanson: Yeah, that’s because they wanted to go home!
Lady: I like to thank you guys for all your help.
Harry: We were just doing our job, ma’am.
Doug: Thank you, Agent Friday.
Christmas in Saigon
Doug (to Ioki): Better pack your bags. It’s straight back to Tokyo!
Doug (to Ioki): You’re as good as back! How about giving me that 10 bucks you owe me?
Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins
Doug *reading*: Love you always…Deb. *normal voice again* Isn’t that sweet?
Hanson: Well, ‘always’ turned out to be 3 and a half weeks.
Doug: You missed something, man. You missed being a teenager.
Hanson: Maybe, yeah. But now, they pay me to do that.
Doug: Wait a minute! Since when did I become my partner’s keeper?
Capt. Fuller: Since you were sworn in.
Doug: I was 50 yards away. What did you want me to do? Throw my body in front of the car? I didn’t know the car was going to take off.
Doug (to Hanson): You choose a poor time to be irresponsible.
A Big Disease With a Little Name
Doug: We don’t have to use words to communicate.
Hanson: She deaf?
Capt. Fuller: And blind.
Doug: Thanks, Captain.
Penny: Before we go out, I have to ask you something.
Penny: No, the whale.
Chapel of Love
Capt. Fuller: You’re asking moi, Adam Fuller, if I have a date on Valentine’s Day?
Capt. Fuller: Of course not.
Sal: Hi Mr. D’Angelo.
Mr. D’Angelo: Just call me…Dad.
Hanson: So the waiter was the devil that was on your shoulder?
Hanson: Are you sure?
Hanson: Just a guess.
Doug: Would you mind? I’m trying to tell a story here.
Harry: Do you know that story they tell you… “Don’t look under the bed…”
Hanson and Sal joined in with Harry: Don’t go into the bar, Penhall!
Judy: Do you believe that?
The others: NO!
Hanson (to Amy): Let’s have this conversation at home. I don’t want the neighbors to miss anything.
Hanson: What’s wrong with you people? We’re friendly!
*Doug checks his armpits to see if ‘odor’ had to do with people running away from them*
Teacher: You’re related?
Ioki & Doug *nodding*: Yeah, we’re twins.
Teacher: You’re not identical twins.
Doug: Then we look alike.
Ioki: We’re from a mixed marriage. We were born two minutes apart.
Doug: In two different countries.
Doug: Ioki’s smoking hot!
Hanson: How did you get so good with crossword puzzles?
Ioki: The answer’s on page 29.
The Dragon and the Angel
Hanson: Enough already, Doug. I know you’re sorry, everyone knows you’re sorry. Do you know how I know? You said it 430 times already. You don’t have to sharpen my pencils for me, okay? I like to sharpen my own pencils!
Doug: Why are you yelling at me?
Hanson: Of course I’m yelling. I’m entitled to yell! I just got shot in the butt!
What About Love?
Doug (to Hanson): Oh, come on, you don’t think that our friendship could withstand moving in and living together?
How I Saved the Senator
Reporter: What does this have to do with the Senator?
Harry: Background story!
Doug: You’ve been reading too many Jap comics!
*This post will be updated from time to time as see fit.